"Everyone Else Is Smarter Than Me"

I love sticky notes...I put them everywhere. I like to write little phrases and quotes and random facts down and place them around my workspaces.
This week one of my stickies caught the eye of a friend and she read it aloud;

"Everyone else is smarter than me."

What was that all about? she asked. Why would I want to read a note like that every day? Don't I know that "negative self-talk can become a self-fulfilling prophecy?"

Well, yes I do.

Here's the thing. I have a very low-ability class this year. And in this class, one student in particular has, to put it bluntly, been driving me bugshit. She's sullen. She refuses to work. She finds ways to be quietly defiant every hour. Just when I think I've got those kiddos right where I want them, I glance over at her and realize she doesn't give a crap what I say or do.

It's extremely difficult to deal with kids like that. More than the average layperson would understand. And I admit, my reaction to her attitude would not have won any Teacher of the Year awards, that's for sure. I mostly felt pissed off that I had to put up with her, and was planning to call her parents in for a little chat about her attitude and behavior.

Then a few weeks into the year I was administering a big test, and I went to check on her, thinking I'd probably find her off task or staring into space, as usual. I briskly told her, "Come on now, back to work!" and was about to pass her by when I happened to notice tears rolling down her cheeks as she hid behind her testing folder.

Figuring she was probably angling for a bathroom or nurse pass to get out of having to test, I went and put my arm around her, and bent down to ask her what was wrong? She just looked at me for the longest time, as if she were trying to figure me out. Finally, she whispered quietly, "I can't read it. Everyone else is smarter than me. I'm too stupid to do it."

Wow. Just...wow. What was I supposed to say to that? For the record, I don't believe it's true. Half of my class reads at her level. But she believes it. She BELIEVES it.

I began to wonder...What has happened to this little 8-year-old girl day after day after day to convince her that, not only is she stupid, but she is the stupidest person in her world? In just 3 years, we as an educational community have broken this child. And how can I, a teacher who has only known her for a month, even hope to change this?

What I DO know is that attitude is contagious, and self-fulfilling prophecies are no joke. We will achieve only what we believe we can. Kids cannot see themselves clearly. They see themselves not as who they really ARE, but who they believe others think they are. They need parents and teachers who are willing to believe in them, so they can begin to believe in themselves.

As a teacher, that's my mission. To find any sincere opportunity to praise this student. To make sure she experiences success. To fight back against the attitude, and return sullen frowns with encouraging smiles. To remember that, for all her eye-rolling and heavy sighing, inside she is really just a little girl who has never had a reason to believe she can be anything but stupid.

So that's why I wrote that rather cryptic sticky note and placed it where I would see it often. It's a reminder to me that every person I meet has their own secret thoughts and beliefs about themselves. That there could be more to a person's eye roll or heavy sigh than just a "bad attitude". That we all struggle every day to swim against currents of our own negative thoughts, and you just never know when someone will need a hand to clasp.

You just never know if that hand might be yours.