The "Scare You Into Not Eating" Diet

I am feeling way too oogied-out lately about eating meat, poultry and dairy. I used to live in a happy little bubble and then I came across a book I never should have read. It's a diet book, and from what I see it really works. It works because the authors scare the bejesus out of women by telling them not only what is IN the food they eat, but how that food is processed. Worked for me, dang-it. And I don't want to be a vegetarian. I love cows. *sigh* Anyhow, I think for the whole weight loss idea to work, you are not supposed to supplant the meat and dairy with pecan pie. So I'm totally screwed here.

Giving Thanks

Today I was thinking that I have a lot to be thankful about.

I have two happy, healthy babies. They are smart, they're beautiful, and they have sweet temperaments. They light up my existence.

I have nice older kids. They are just good, NICE kids. They try to do the right thing, they are compassionate, and they care about their world and the people in it. Their drugs of choice are caffeine, reading, and cell phones. When they're truly out there on their own, I'll be proud for people to know I raised them.

I have a husband I love...a friend and partner to share my life with. He gets who I am and (get this) likes me anyway. Sometimes I think he's nuts for not running for the hills. But he doesn't. And if he ever did, he'd do it while holding my hand and helping me over the rocky parts.

I have a family I can count on. I might not see them or speak to them every day, but they love me and are there. "Being there" is a family trait that is underrated, in my opinion.

I'm healthy, and that's nothing to shake a stick at. I have eyes that see, ears that hear, and feet that walk. My lungs work, my heart works, my brain works. If my complexion is the worst of my problems, I've got it made.

We don't have a lot of extras, but my family has been able to make 12 months of house and car payments since this time last year. We have food in our pantry and gas in our cars. We go out to dinner and shows once in a while. If I feel like buying a book or a pair of shoes or even a Starbucks coffee, I can. That's a big deal to me, since there's been quite a few periods of my life when I haven't been able to do those things without a certain amount of stress.

I have a job that, while exhausting, fulfills me and allows me to support my family. I have the pleasure of giving back to our world in a way that brings me joy.

Yeah, every once in awhile I might envy certain friends and family a little. Sometimes I get down and wish for more than I have...sometimes. But then I think about all I've got here in my own little universe. I'm happy and content, and I love my life. And I'm grateful to be so blessed.

What's wrong with me? Geez!

I yelled at Craig today because I was stressed out about something very minor and stupid. What's up with that? I love him more than anything. Why do we always dump on the people closest to us, just because they happen to be the first face we see when we're upset? So, I wrote"we" a lot, but I really mean "me", I guess. I really need to be more conscientious of this female tendency which I just happen to indulge in once in awhile. Sorry, honey.

The Nursery Set

Fisher Price Little People. Does this take you back or what? When I came across the vintage Little People toys on ebay I had trouble containing myself. I was browsing for several minutes before I realized I was actually crying AND talking to myself. It was the slam of memories flooding my head and heart that took me by surprise. There they were...the Tudor house, the nursery school, the barn with silo! Cows, dogs, planes and tricycles. Lounge chairs, gas pumps, school bus. Here were all these treasures of my childhood. I see them and remember clothing I wore, the color of our carpet, the smells of my mom's cooking. I hear my sisters' chitter chatter. Isn't it amazing how the sight of a little plastic baby sitting in her stroller opened the door to dreams and adventures I haven't thought of in 30 years?

So, I bought this set to put in Jaden's Christmas stocking this year. I know she's too little to really play with them. I know she may end up leaving them at the bottom of her toybox. I guess what I am really doing is giving her another piece of my heart. And who wouldn't want that for Christmas?

Arizona Iced Tea

So I went to the grocery store today. Biggo shopping, the kind where I go around and ask everyone what they want me to pick up. Kharli used to live for big shopping day. I ask Craig what he wants and he says, "Uhhhh....I dunno". I ask Christian and he says, "Uhh...(insert one strange food item here)". I would ask Kharli and she'd either rattle off a list or just take over the pen herself.

Shopping day is different now. I walk up and down the aisles and see all the things Kharli used to ask for. Arizona iced tea. Starbucks frappaccinos. Peanut butter Ritz bits. Dreyers slow churned ice-cream. Chips and green onion dip. Instant oatmeal. Dr. Pepper in cans. I see all these items and my arm sometimes reaches out to grab one, then I remember and I put it back.

I know it's not like my child is GONE. But my child is gone. She's out there, waking up in a different house, walking into a different kitchen and making some instant oatmeal that my hand didn't place in a shopping cart for her.

I bought an Arizona iced tea today. I don't know why. I don't even like it.