I Am The Fat One

I've been reading a lot of blogs lately about women who are struggling with weight loss.  Some of my favorite bloggers are on a quest to lose, and are being pretty successful too.  When I read them, I am amazed at how open they can be about it, posting pictures and talking about their feelings. 

They talk a lot about losing, but nobody ever talks about being fat.   I think in our world, it's only okay to address the issue of fat if you are already trying to lose yours.  Hence, the weight-loss blogs. 

I've always been really uptight about discussing weight.  It's a taboo subject.  It hurts people's feelings.  It hurts my feelings.  Honestly, who wants to be the center of negative attention?  It's really hard to be a fat person in a thin world.

Thin people always wonder; why doesn't that fat girl just exercise more self control?  If she would only stop eating, she'd lose weight.  Calories in-calories out.  Simple.

Hmmm.  It's not quite that simple.  There are many, many reasons why a person might be overweight besides the desire to gorge herself. 

Everyone in my family is slender.  Everyone.  Except me.  I'm the fat one.
They never say anything, and they love me just the same. Well, sometimes my mother says things, but whose mom doesn't?   But, it's the way it is, and we all know it.

When you're the fat one, you spend a great deal of time holding your stomach just so.  You try on lots of clothes and adjust waistbands, stretch the edges of t-shirts, look for well-placed pockets.  If you are lucky like me, you have larger breasts that can take some of the attention away from the behind area.

When you're the fat one, it feels like everyone scrutinizes you to see what you put in your mouth.  I'll tell you, I'm surrounded daily by people who eat worse diets than I do.  What the hell?

When you're the fat one, many thoughts are centered around what hairstyle or makeup or clothing or shoes will not contribute to the appearance of fatness.

Here's the thing, though.  I've been thinking about it for a LONG time, and I've finally figured out a major reason why I don't attempt to thin myself out a little more.  It's going to sound conceited, but it's not really.  The truth is, I forget I'm fat most of the time.  I feel thin.  I feel beautiful.  I feel sexy.  I really, really do.

I'm a big believer in loving oneself, and in the idea that how we feel inside is how others will see us.  The mind is such a powerful thing.  My husband is the only one who sees me naked, and since I think I'm sexy, he thinks I'm sexy.  I love myself and believe I'm worthy, so he does too.  My little girls cuddle with me and snuggle into my curves, and are perfectly fine with it. 

So to all my fat girlfriends... screw it.  Eat healthy foods and get moderate exercise, but if you still have curves, embrace them.  Who cares?  Love yourself, and surround yourself with people who are worthy of you. 

We are all so much more than a number on the scale.