Today in the big wide world of blogging and social media, friends and family were noting all that which they are grateful to have on this day of Thanks. I spent the day reading these from my hospital bed.
Spending the holiday recovering from emergency surgery sure gave me a different perspective this year. I had time, lots of time, to feel sorry for myself. During the times Craig wasn't there, I had time to feel lonely. But I also had a lot of time to reflect and realize that being sad and lonely were actually healthy feelings and I was lucky to have them. So this year, I am sharing my gratitude of an altered perspective.
I am a blessed woman to have a loving husband and four children to miss from my hospital bed. I am lucky to have sisters and parents and extended family to call and text with in the middle of the night when I felt hurt or sad. I am grateful for friends who reached out through facebook to wish me well.
I'm lucky to be able to have the medical care that kept me in that bed and away from my family. I'm lucky to have a home and warm bed of my own to miss.
I am lucky to have a Thanksgiving meal to cancel in the first place. The fact that I have surplus food to worry about cooking later, and a turkey waiting to be eaten is a good thing. Heavy cream that must be frozen, asparagus that must be eaten on a different day, bottles of wine to be shared with friends and family later...these are all blessings.
Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, and this year I find myself giving thanks for my blessings in a different way. I realized that a canceled Thanksgiving can also be a beautiful thing.
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Friday, October 26, 2012
We Have a New Reader in the Family!
Well, Caitlyn has decided that she's tired of being the only person in the house who doesn't know how to read, so she asked me to teach her. Insisted, actually.
She's known her letter names and sounds for a long time, but since she isn't beginning Kindergarten until next year, I was fine leaving it at that. However, since she asked I began teaching her some sight words and how to blend sounds.
One month later and she has read through two sets of BOB books, and tested at an end of Kindergarten level (DRA 4 to my teacher-peeps). She's already passed all of my students.
Intrinsic motivation is an amazing and powerful thing.
She's known her letter names and sounds for a long time, but since she isn't beginning Kindergarten until next year, I was fine leaving it at that. However, since she asked I began teaching her some sight words and how to blend sounds.
One month later and she has read through two sets of BOB books, and tested at an end of Kindergarten level (DRA 4 to my teacher-peeps). She's already passed all of my students.
Intrinsic motivation is an amazing and powerful thing.
Friday, September 21, 2012
Confession
I have recently discovered that I am a hoarder. A food hoarder.
The way those crazy people on TLC save pieces of aluminum foil and toilet paper rolls and tupperware lids with no home...that's me with breakfast food at my school. I am on the path to recovery, though, and understanding myself.
This year we began a new program in which every child in school eats breakfast in the classroom for free. I am one hundred percent behind this program because every child deserves to eat, no matter what.
There's one part of it that bothers me, though. When a child refuses something, or just isn't hungry, or maybe ate at home, the food is disposed. As in perfectly good, healthy, yummy food tossed into the trash. That's the rule in order for us to be reimbursed for meals.
Does that seem absurd to anyone else??
I do NOT want to jeopardize our program so I am usually pretty diligent about following the rules. Except when I'm...not. It pains me to throw this stuff out. Sometimes I compulsively stash it. This is my fridge today.
So....yeah. Nobody eats my stashed food. It's just there, resting in the refrigerator instead of in the trash can. But I dream about hungry kids knocking on my classroom door, needing some pancakes from my secret food pantry. I imagine giving fruit to people at soup kitchens, despite the fact that it's really not mine to give. I imagine interrupting political debates and interjecting, "I can help! I have pancakes!"
This is such a strange country we live in, where in order to feed hungry kids, I actually have to throw food away. Meanwhile, 35 million people in the US suffer chronic hunger every day. It's not all lazy sign-holders and crack addicts like some people think. The average "hungry" family household has working parents who have to make tough choices between healthy food items and electricity.
That was my family. Two working parents who didn't ask for help. They made the most of their few dollars, and learned to stretch. We ate soup. We ate cheap pasta. We ate seasonal fruit from our yard. We had times when things were great, and times when things got bad. As the oldest, I remember my parents whispering and looking at each other with worry in their eyes, wondering if we'd make it until payday. I remember being that kid in class who hadn't had breakfast but would never complain.
That part of my childhood was a very long time ago, but roots grow deep, I guess. I have a sister who compulsively buys clothes for her kids. Another sister buys more toys than her kids will ever need or want. Me? I overspend on food. And apparently I am now a recovering school breakfast hoarder.
The way those crazy people on TLC save pieces of aluminum foil and toilet paper rolls and tupperware lids with no home...that's me with breakfast food at my school. I am on the path to recovery, though, and understanding myself.
This year we began a new program in which every child in school eats breakfast in the classroom for free. I am one hundred percent behind this program because every child deserves to eat, no matter what.
There's one part of it that bothers me, though. When a child refuses something, or just isn't hungry, or maybe ate at home, the food is disposed. As in perfectly good, healthy, yummy food tossed into the trash. That's the rule in order for us to be reimbursed for meals.
Does that seem absurd to anyone else??
I do NOT want to jeopardize our program so I am usually pretty diligent about following the rules. Except when I'm...not. It pains me to throw this stuff out. Sometimes I compulsively stash it. This is my fridge today.
So....yeah. Nobody eats my stashed food. It's just there, resting in the refrigerator instead of in the trash can. But I dream about hungry kids knocking on my classroom door, needing some pancakes from my secret food pantry. I imagine giving fruit to people at soup kitchens, despite the fact that it's really not mine to give. I imagine interrupting political debates and interjecting, "I can help! I have pancakes!"
This is such a strange country we live in, where in order to feed hungry kids, I actually have to throw food away. Meanwhile, 35 million people in the US suffer chronic hunger every day. It's not all lazy sign-holders and crack addicts like some people think. The average "hungry" family household has working parents who have to make tough choices between healthy food items and electricity.
That was my family. Two working parents who didn't ask for help. They made the most of their few dollars, and learned to stretch. We ate soup. We ate cheap pasta. We ate seasonal fruit from our yard. We had times when things were great, and times when things got bad. As the oldest, I remember my parents whispering and looking at each other with worry in their eyes, wondering if we'd make it until payday. I remember being that kid in class who hadn't had breakfast but would never complain.
That part of my childhood was a very long time ago, but roots grow deep, I guess. I have a sister who compulsively buys clothes for her kids. Another sister buys more toys than her kids will ever need or want. Me? I overspend on food. And apparently I am now a recovering school breakfast hoarder.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Twenty Four...
years ago you came into my life, and it has never been the same. You were my little dancer, my sassy-mouthed actress, my rebel. You were my joy and my gift. You still are. You dream of saving the world, but you saved mine long ago. I love you!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Goodbye
All these years
You’ve been by my side
Our hands and lives
Ever entwined
And I didn’t know
How it would be
How seeing you go
To let you float free
That it would be this hard to say
Goodbye
Your face is alight
With dreams of your own
Your story unwritten
Your path unknown
And that fire you carry
So deeply inside
Yearns to breathe free
And cross the divide
So eager to shine, so ready to say
Goodbye
My little shadow
Step into the sun
We both know that
Your time has come
So I’ll hide my tears
With a smile so wide
I’ll let go of your hand
So your dreams may fly
I know you’re ready, but I just can’t say
Goodbye
Friday, May 25, 2012
Goodbye Kindergarten
A year of Kindergarten is a growing experience for children and parents together. Although I have done this twice before, I still had some learning of my own to do. For one thing, I learned to accept that my daughter was not going to be the most well-behaved in class. Nor was she at the top academically. Being a "teacher-mom", this was hard for me but I came around. MY child is the one sitting in the back of class because she plays around with friends. MY child is the one pulling sequins off her shirt and cutting her bangs. MY child is the one who spends her high-stakes testing sessions looking around at the walls.
Oh, well. Jaden had an amazing year in Kindergarten, regardless of being a less than picture-perfect student. She learned to be independent, she learned to read, and (most days) she learned to be a nice friend. She loves books, loves friends, loves her teacher, and loves school!
The Kinder teachers planned the sweetest promotion ceremony. Here she is receiving her "diploma"...
and three minutes of cuteness you just have to watch. She's in the front row, just left of the girl with pink polka dots...
Oh, well. Jaden had an amazing year in Kindergarten, regardless of being a less than picture-perfect student. She learned to be independent, she learned to read, and (most days) she learned to be a nice friend. She loves books, loves friends, loves her teacher, and loves school!
The Kinder teachers planned the sweetest promotion ceremony. Here she is receiving her "diploma"...
and three minutes of cuteness you just have to watch. She's in the front row, just left of the girl with pink polka dots...
Have a great summer with all your graduates,
big and small!
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Important Things
Today was my school's annual Field Day. It's kind of a big deal. For Field Day, teachers have to place kids in many different events, and some teachers are quite competitive in how they place students for the win. This year, like most years, I let my kids choose for themselves what they wanted to do.
We were so pumped to go out and have fun this morning! Hats...check. Sunscreen...check. Enthusiasm...double check! It's funny how we are already in the month of May and I am still learning new things about my students. Today I learned that these kids are the most nonathletic, uncoordinated group I've ever had!
We came in last or almost last for eight events. Finally, finally, in the ninth event we came in second place. My boys were hooting and cheering and high-fiving me, shouting "We got second place!!"
Speaking of cheering, I learned another new thing about my kids today. I learned that, out of the last 13 years of Field Days, this class is genuinely the nicest, most caring group of children I've ever had.
You'd think that coming in last and never winning anything would make them pout and complain, but they didn't. You'd think that watching all the other classes return for yet another tug-o-war pull to determine the "winner of the winners" would make them kick the dust a little, but they didn't. They spent the whole morning cheering for other classes and exclaiming, "That was FUN!" after every game. While some other kids ran around throwing water bottles into the air and ignoring their teachers, this class sat in the shaded grass playing hand-clapping and circle games.
Could it be that not being a "winner" fuels great sportsmanship? Could it be that cheering on a friend who has fallen down five times in one short race inspires empathy?
Whatever the reason, these 7-year-olds already know more important things about winners and losers than many grown-ups in this world. I'll take my class of happy non-winners any year. Nice Kids...for the win!
We were so pumped to go out and have fun this morning! Hats...check. Sunscreen...check. Enthusiasm...double check! It's funny how we are already in the month of May and I am still learning new things about my students. Today I learned that these kids are the most nonathletic, uncoordinated group I've ever had!
We came in last or almost last for eight events. Finally, finally, in the ninth event we came in second place. My boys were hooting and cheering and high-fiving me, shouting "We got second place!!"
Speaking of cheering, I learned another new thing about my kids today. I learned that, out of the last 13 years of Field Days, this class is genuinely the nicest, most caring group of children I've ever had.
You'd think that coming in last and never winning anything would make them pout and complain, but they didn't. You'd think that watching all the other classes return for yet another tug-o-war pull to determine the "winner of the winners" would make them kick the dust a little, but they didn't. They spent the whole morning cheering for other classes and exclaiming, "That was FUN!" after every game. While some other kids ran around throwing water bottles into the air and ignoring their teachers, this class sat in the shaded grass playing hand-clapping and circle games.
Could it be that not being a "winner" fuels great sportsmanship? Could it be that cheering on a friend who has fallen down five times in one short race inspires empathy?
Whatever the reason, these 7-year-olds already know more important things about winners and losers than many grown-ups in this world. I'll take my class of happy non-winners any year. Nice Kids...for the win!
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Peace, Love, Happiness
Lots of people tend to become poetically reflective around the New Year, but not me. I'm a birthday sort of girl. Whenever April 18th rolls around, I find myself thinking a lot about my little world and my place in it.
I've never been one for wistful thinking about what could be, if only. I guess I just don't have an if only personality. You know what I mean....if only I had a better job, if only we made more money, if only I had a nicer car, if only we could live in a better neighborhood....if only.
Not that I don't have goals and dreams, because I do. My head is in the clouds more often than not. It's just that I'm not ruled by the if only thoughts that cause so many people so much unhappiness.
Want to know the secret to happiness? Learn to love what you have, while you have it. Dream big and work hard for those dreams, but find contentment along the way.
I love my life. Love it. I have a wonderful husband and family, a career that gives me joy, a nice place to live and raise my littlest daughters. If this is all I ever had I would be content. And yet, every time another birthday rolls around, I find that more and more of my dreams have come true.
Life is good.
I've never been one for wistful thinking about what could be, if only. I guess I just don't have an if only personality. You know what I mean....if only I had a better job, if only we made more money, if only I had a nicer car, if only we could live in a better neighborhood....if only.
Not that I don't have goals and dreams, because I do. My head is in the clouds more often than not. It's just that I'm not ruled by the if only thoughts that cause so many people so much unhappiness.
Want to know the secret to happiness? Learn to love what you have, while you have it. Dream big and work hard for those dreams, but find contentment along the way.
I love my life. Love it. I have a wonderful husband and family, a career that gives me joy, a nice place to live and raise my littlest daughters. If this is all I ever had I would be content. And yet, every time another birthday rolls around, I find that more and more of my dreams have come true.
Life is good.
Thursday, April 5, 2012
I Am The Fat One
I've been reading a lot of blogs lately about women who are struggling with weight loss. Some of my favorite bloggers are on a quest to lose, and are being pretty successful too. When I read them, I am amazed at how open they can be about it, posting pictures and talking about their feelings.
They talk a lot about losing, but nobody ever talks about being fat. I think in our world, it's only okay to address the issue of fat if you are already trying to lose yours. Hence, the weight-loss blogs.
I've always been really uptight about discussing weight. It's a taboo subject. It hurts people's feelings. It hurts my feelings. Honestly, who wants to be the center of negative attention? It's really hard to be a fat person in a thin world.
Thin people always wonder; why doesn't that fat girl just exercise more self control? If she would only stop eating, she'd lose weight. Calories in-calories out. Simple.
Hmmm. It's not quite that simple. There are many, many reasons why a person might be overweight besides the desire to gorge herself.
Everyone in my family is slender. Everyone. Except me. I'm the fat one.
They never say anything, and they love me just the same. Well, sometimes my mother says things, but whose mom doesn't? But, it's the way it is, and we all know it.
When you're the fat one, you spend a great deal of time holding your stomach just so. You try on lots of clothes and adjust waistbands, stretch the edges of t-shirts, look for well-placed pockets. If you are lucky like me, you have larger breasts that can take some of the attention away from the behind area.
When you're the fat one, it feels like everyone scrutinizes you to see what you put in your mouth. I'll tell you, I'm surrounded daily by people who eat worse diets than I do. What the hell?
When you're the fat one, many thoughts are centered around what hairstyle or makeup or clothing or shoes will not contribute to the appearance of fatness.
Here's the thing, though. I've been thinking about it for a LONG time, and I've finally figured out a major reason why I don't attempt to thin myself out a little more. It's going to sound conceited, but it's not really. The truth is, I forget I'm fat most of the time. I feel thin. I feel beautiful. I feel sexy. I really, really do.
I'm a big believer in loving oneself, and in the idea that how we feel inside is how others will see us. The mind is such a powerful thing. My husband is the only one who sees me naked, and since I think I'm sexy, he thinks I'm sexy. I love myself and believe I'm worthy, so he does too. My little girls cuddle with me and snuggle into my curves, and are perfectly fine with it.
So to all my fat girlfriends... screw it. Eat healthy foods and get moderate exercise, but if you still have curves, embrace them. Who cares? Love yourself, and surround yourself with people who are worthy of you.
We are all so much more than a number on the scale.
They talk a lot about losing, but nobody ever talks about being fat. I think in our world, it's only okay to address the issue of fat if you are already trying to lose yours. Hence, the weight-loss blogs.
I've always been really uptight about discussing weight. It's a taboo subject. It hurts people's feelings. It hurts my feelings. Honestly, who wants to be the center of negative attention? It's really hard to be a fat person in a thin world.
Thin people always wonder; why doesn't that fat girl just exercise more self control? If she would only stop eating, she'd lose weight. Calories in-calories out. Simple.
Hmmm. It's not quite that simple. There are many, many reasons why a person might be overweight besides the desire to gorge herself.
Everyone in my family is slender. Everyone. Except me. I'm the fat one.
They never say anything, and they love me just the same. Well, sometimes my mother says things, but whose mom doesn't? But, it's the way it is, and we all know it.
When you're the fat one, you spend a great deal of time holding your stomach just so. You try on lots of clothes and adjust waistbands, stretch the edges of t-shirts, look for well-placed pockets. If you are lucky like me, you have larger breasts that can take some of the attention away from the behind area.
When you're the fat one, it feels like everyone scrutinizes you to see what you put in your mouth. I'll tell you, I'm surrounded daily by people who eat worse diets than I do. What the hell?
When you're the fat one, many thoughts are centered around what hairstyle or makeup or clothing or shoes will not contribute to the appearance of fatness.
Here's the thing, though. I've been thinking about it for a LONG time, and I've finally figured out a major reason why I don't attempt to thin myself out a little more. It's going to sound conceited, but it's not really. The truth is, I forget I'm fat most of the time. I feel thin. I feel beautiful. I feel sexy. I really, really do.
I'm a big believer in loving oneself, and in the idea that how we feel inside is how others will see us. The mind is such a powerful thing. My husband is the only one who sees me naked, and since I think I'm sexy, he thinks I'm sexy. I love myself and believe I'm worthy, so he does too. My little girls cuddle with me and snuggle into my curves, and are perfectly fine with it.
So to all my fat girlfriends... screw it. Eat healthy foods and get moderate exercise, but if you still have curves, embrace them. Who cares? Love yourself, and surround yourself with people who are worthy of you.
We are all so much more than a number on the scale.
Cobwebs
My poor little blog here has been suffering some serious neglect. As in....I've actually been forgetting about it most of the time. My life is so full and so busy and SO happy. I have hundreds of things to write about and so much to say. If I remembered to say it...hahaha. We are going to get reacquainted, my little blog and I.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
A Mushy Love Note
Happy Anniversary, Craig! I love you so much. I love who we are together and the life we've built. I love that you're the person I wake up to, and the last person to kiss me before I fall asleep. You make me happy every day, and my heart is so full!
Friday, January 6, 2012
Kindness Matters
I almost messed up today. I was lucky. What saved me was my belief that teachers must be kind and find genuine smiles for children, even when annoyed.
I had a mom bring in cupcakes for her daughter's birthday today. If you know me, you may know that I'm not really a fan of them in the class. They're too sugary, make the kids wild, and it's common to have carpet damage. Lately I've been taking them with us to lunch in the cafeteria, passing them out there, and not fussing around with the whole birthday treat in the classroom issue.
That was my plan when Marisela told me this morning her mom was bringing treats, but mom happened to arrive later than planned. She came right in the middle of our afternoon math lesson...right when I had the kids where I wanted and it was going wonderfully.
Here's where I had a choice to make. I could ask her to just drop them off and wait until right before the bell to pass them out. Or I could invite her and her two toddlers in, pitch the lesson and clean the carpet later. I chose to do the kind thing. I invited her into our class to sing Happy Birthday, watch Marisela share treats with friends and take pictures. Admittedly, I may not have been so laid back if it weren't a Friday afternoon. But it was, and I was.
As the kids ate and got the sugar-sillies, I chatted with mom and I asked her if they had any fun birthday plans this weekend. She told me that, no...this was it. Dad was having bank account problems, and she borrowed money from her sister to buy cupcakes for the class. She gave Marisela the choice of a present or bringing treats, and she chose treats for her classmates.
I'm so glad I didn't turn mom away at the door. I'm so glad I did the kind thing and threw my afternoon plans out the door as I invited mom in. I'm so glad we sang Happy Birthday and mom took those pictures of her birthday girl smiling a huge pink icing smile.
One thing I've learned about teaching kids is that teaching doesn't matter at all unless I genuinely care about the human condition of my students and their families. Kindness matters. It really does.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
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