Number Four

Caitlyn fell asleep in my arms tonight, as usual, snuggled under her blankie. Instead of carrying her to bed, though, I just kept holding her for my own selfish reasons. Sometimes I just canNOT make myself put her down. I just rock her and kiss her and breathe in the smell of her freshly shampooed hair.

Who would have thought that my little number 4 surprise would have turned me into this sappy kind of a mommy? I love ALL my kids, and have enjoyed each one as a baby...in so many ways. But Catie....she's my last. My baby. It's different, somehow, and I'm beginning to think it will always be this way. I am not ready for her to walk or talk or grow up.

Someday in the future, not tomorrow or even next year, but someday...will be the LAST time I hold her and breathe in her baby smell, and that breaks my heart. I wish I could just hold on to that for a little longer. Just a little longer.....

La, la, la, LA....

Elmo's World! It was all I could do to keep TV from Jaden until now. I really, truly believe that too much TV watching is damaging to developing neuro-transmitters (this is where most people pretend to listen while letting their minds wander, so I'll not elaborate). I REFUSE to raise these girls as TV junkies, and had planned to hold out longer. And then Jaden fell in love with a furry little monster.

Now, this isn't just a passing fling. She's not fickle about it at ALL. The girl is completely smitten! We read about Elmo often, and color his picture, and play with Elmo toys. She talks to herself and anyone else who will listen about Elmo, and how he's "So happy to see you! And so is Dorothy!" Just like anyone else a person loves, the sight of him brings a smile to Jaden's face. And sometimes in ToddlerLand, a kid just needs to smile a little.

So, now Jaden gets about 30 minutes a day of Elmo. I try really hard not to think about dendrites and neuro-transmitter pathways, and just cherish the joy....




It's pretty hard to resist.

What a Good Girl

Today after we laid Jaden down (crying) for her nap, she was in there for a few minutes before I heard her bedroom door open and then close. I was SURE she had come out into the hall, so I went to go herd her back into the room. Well, to my surprise, she had opened the door....to let the CAT out. Then she shut the door, and laid herself back down for her nap. Crying :)

Tears

We took Caitlyn to get her ears pierced today. I sat calmly holding her, while the piercer asked me if I was "okay." Like I might cry or something. I'm not sure why people expect women to break down in tears over the least little thing. She seemed surprised when I told her that it's more painful to pluck a single eyebrow hair and to just go ahead and do it.

I have a no nonsense, "just get it over with" approach to dealing with things that are painful. But just because I don't fall to pieces, doesn't mean I'm broken inside or something. I'd venture a guess that I'm more emotional than a LOT of women. If you know me, you'd know that to be true. Although I am more likely to cry over hurt feelings or broken dreams or the injustices of the world.

I think strong women know which situations require calm and focused mental clarity, and which are worthy of tears. I cry just about every day, and if you happen to be in my company you can be sure my tears are genuine and not being wasted on something trivial.

Toddler Devotion

I know that Jaden loves me with all her heart, but sometimes I feel a tinge of jealousy when she prefers Craig to me. Not that he doesn't deserve his dose of Jaden devotion, because he does. He's a wonderful Daddy. But, aren't babies and toddlers supposed to lean ever so slightly toward their Mommies? I thought it was the natural order of the universe that Mommy is the marginal favorite and Daddy remains blissfully unaware.

After dinner I started to unclip Jaden from her booster. She said, "Daddy, Daddy." I tried again to unclip her and she took my hand, gently pushed it away, and said very calmly, "No. Daddy." How do you like that?

Craig might not pick up after himself as much as a wife would like, but when it comes to the kids, he does his share...I'll give him that. So if he does everything I do, why shouldn't she prefer his company sometimes? Why shouldn't she feel like running to him first or hugging him longer, or even pitching a fit when he leaves her in my care? It's just that, admittedly, my innermost self does want to be loved best.

It is a slippery slope to share a toddler's love.

Regrets

Caitlyn has ANOTHER ear infection. This poor baby has had one once a month for a long time. She just can't catch a break. I know they are all from cold viruses and when I think about how breastfeeding could have given her my immunities I just want to cry for having given that up. It wasn't entirely planned, but there was a point where I could have fought the battle harder and I didn't. I SO wish I could go back and change that.

Mommy Behind the Camera

I was going through the girls' baby pictures for a project and I noticed some similarities that I thought I were pretty funny. With the exception of the baby feet pictures, this was completely unintentional. I wonder what this says about me? :)

Jaden 2 weeks



Caitlyn 2 weeks


Jaden's feet



Caitlyn's feet




Jaden 1 month


Caitlyn 1 month




Jaden 6 weeks


Caitlyn 6 weeks



Jaden and Mommy


Caitlyn and Mommy,
who maybe needs some
new clothes?



Jaden and Daddy


Caitlyn and Daddy




Jaden on her playmat


Caitlyn on the same playmat,
wearing the same onesie.




Jaden's rainbow lion,


which she handed down
to Caitlyn


Jaden's first peaches


Caitlyn's first bananas


Jaden loved the Jumparoo


and so did Caitlyn!




Jaden reading


and Caitlyn reading



This was my
favorite outfit...


can you tell?


This cracked me up. I think I need to get a little more creative in the photography department, don't you?

Cannonball

When she was 8, Kharli wrote this poem (I had to dig it out of a box!):

Standing on the edge
sun warming my shoulders
rippling pool below
I have my suit on
I am ready
Cannonball!

Remember doing cannonballs, especially the first one of the year? The pool wasn't quite warm enough, probably not clean enough, and only wimps dipped a toe in first. The best way was to just squeeze your eyes closed and take that flying leap without looking back.

I am not a resolution making type of person. I think anything worth doing is worth doing without waiting for January 1st. But... I am resolved to living by the motto of my once 8 year old daughter. I'm not going to stand on the edge dipping my feet, testing the waters, waiting for everything to be just so. Kids have the right idea...life is better when you just jump in and make a splash. I have my suit on and I am ready.

Happy New Year!!