Happy Holidays!

We had a really whirlwind holiday season this winter.  I was so, SO busy that I never took the time to
blog about it.  I regret that now because this is going to be a looooong post!  Just scroll through to the things that interest you :)

Jen and Billy came again for Thanksgiving, and we all enjoyed their visit!

Jaden greets Aunt Jen...

Caitlyn was shy for awhile, but she had a big sister to comfort her...

When she warmed up, Caitlyn had fun playing with Uncle Billy.  I think he knows her game...

Craig and I with the girls.  Yes, that's a purloined cat toy in Catie's hand...

Jaden loves taking pictures...

I was disappointed that Kharli had to work on Thanksgiving and Christian went to his grandparents' house.  It doesn't feel right when they're not around, but I know they're growing up and that happens.  I hope as they get older and start their own families that we will all be able to meet in one place instead of having to choose.
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Hanukkah came early this year...it kind of snuck up on us, so we missed lighting the menorah for like, 4 nights.  That's okay, I guess, since we don't know the prayers anyway.  But even as a shiksa I really enjoy the menorah, so I swear I'm going to make up my own prayers!  I will make them really good ones too.  Like, "We light this candle to honor those who give selflessly to others throughout the year." 

On the eighth night of Hanukkah...

 

Jaden and Caitlyn fully participated in decorating the tree this year, at least they think they did.  Kharli and I had to go move all of Catie's ornaments when she wasn't looking because she put all 10 of them on the same branch.  Their favorite thing to do every evening when we came home from school was to turn on the tree and sit near it.  Each day without fail Caitlyn exclaims, "Yook!  It's a twismas twee!!"

Reading by tree light...

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My sisters and I took all of our kids to the studio to have portraits done as a Christmas surprise for my parents.  It was no small undertaking.   It was quite an ordeal to coordinate, and I had a hard time dealing with a terribly shy Caitlyn, but overall it turned out to be kind of fun!  It was funny, because I think the teens are all getting old enough to be embarrassed by the family ruckus (which THEY cause, by the way) and I am getting old enough to not worry about it anymore. Shoe's on the other foot, Kids...hahaha.  They were great that day, and we got some nice portraits.

 The whole bunch...

Can't get them to be serious for anything...

Caitlyn's not in that shot because she was busy doing this...

 My four...

 

Number 1 and Number 2

 Number 3

Little Number 4.  The best she'd do.

 Cousins and friends...

 So pretty...

Afterward, they all went outside to the courtyard and hammed it up.  I like these even more!

 

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One Saturday Craig took Jaden to see a Willy Wonka gingerbread house, complete with chocolate river.  Jaden was amazed, and she got to see some Oompa Loompas too!

 

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One thing this year that I really enjoyed was our staff Christmas Party for the kids.  We had a potluck, games, crafts and treats, and a book gift for each child.  Jaden and Caitlyn had a really, really good time.  I hope we do it again in years to come.

Hanging out waiting for the festivities...

Musical "dots"...

Painting picture frames.  Yes, my kids are wearing trash bags!

Sugar cookie decorating...

Another Bear book...

Up past bedtime...

 

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At their school, the girls were in the annual Christmas show.  It was performed in the chapel, which was weird for Craig, but he held up nicely with minimal eye-brow raising at the "Jesus is Lord" posters.  But then, I drank manischewitz at our wedding.  A little tit-for-tat makes the world go 'round, right?

This year the theme was Noah's Ark.  Jaden was a kitty cat, Caitlyn was a monkey, and I thought those choices were VERY appropriate.   We couldn't believe it when Caitlyn's teacher actually got her to go up on that stage and sing with the crowd.  Amazing.  She made it almost all the way through her group's song.

Here are a couple of videos.  They manage to capture the chaos of this event quite well.  Watch, but stand warned: I'm NOT the greatest videographer, especially when Caitlyn was pulling on my arm during Jaden's song.

Jaden singing "Away in a Manger" and "Michael, Row the Boat Ashore"...

Caitlyn singing"This Little Light of Mine"

Well, sort of singing.  She'd kind of had enough of the spotlight by then...

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On Christmas eve we went to Jacque's house for dinner.  I got to be in charge of appetizers this year and it was the most fun I've had cooking in years.  Forget turkeys and pie...I only want to make apps from now on.  Anyway...as usual it was loud, and people ran around, and people got silly.  Some cried, some laughed, some yelled.  All in all, a successful family gathering!

I love my family.  My nieces and nephews are all getting so big...it's nice to see how time and circumstance are shaping them into real human beings.   Sometimes I get so busy caring for the little girls and keeping them from breaking things and each other that I never quite get to enjoy my family as much as I'd like.  So if any of you are reading this...I love you!

Happy Holidays to everyone!  

Watch for the Disneyland post and the yearly slideshow :)

Filling the Hole

This time of year always makes me wonder about people. Everywhere I go people are shopping.  Partying.  Eating.  Joining in on all kinds of Christmas cheer.  The social networks are all abuzz with glad tidings of one kind or another.  All my favorite bloggers are wrist-deep in writing about their wonderful holiday activities.

And me?  Well, this year my holiday spirit seems to be eluding me.  You would think that my Christmas apathy would indicate a depression or something.  But I'm not depressed...far from it.  I'm as content and joyful as I usually am.  I feel happy pretty much every day.

So, why is it that while I once adored Christmas-time, now I can only muster a half-hearted "eh, whatever"?   It's not that I don't like Christmas...I do.  It's not that I'm broke and can't afford to partake of the mass commercialism around me...I could.  It's just that, I don't really feel like it.

Going shopping and buying gifts just doesn't satisfy me the way it once did.  It doesn't fill me up inside with gladness.  It's become a chore I fulfill so that others don't worry about me.  I mean, can't you just hear it?  "Dawn's boycotting Christmas...Christmas!  Can you believe it? What's wrong with her?  Is she okay?"

Lately I've been wondering if people in general use the holiday season to fill something inside themselves that needs filling.  Some emptiness of the soul that only they can name.  Maybe it's a simple desire for love, or family time, or food.  Maybe it's a more complex need to compensate for secret feelings of inadequacy.  

I see people all around me who appear to use gift-giving as a way to declare their own value.  As in...I love you the most, therefore I buy you more.  Or...I work very hard, therefore my family deserves all this.   I think everybody has a hole of some kind to fill within themselves, and some people are so desperate to fill it that they just keep buying things.

For me, when I do have those feelings of an emptiness in my soul, it usually comes from lack of time and energy.  I want to give more of that to my family.  So I fill that hole inside myself whenever play with or read to my little girls, or go to the movies with Kharli, or discuss the intricacies of life with Christian, or chat with Craig in the after bedtime quiet. 

When I started paying attention to my feelings this season, I noticed that I was very blah about shopping and buying things.  I walk past it all without even a tiny spark of desire, and that part of it just left me feeling emptier than before.  I was even worried about myself a little. 

Then I realized all the things that have made me very happy in the last month involved people and events.  I loved visiting with my husband's family during Thanksgiving.  I loved seeing my girls singing their little holiday songs on stage.  I loved going with my sisters to photograph our huge clan as a surprise for our parents.  I loved taking my girls to our Christmas party at work.  Those things satisfied me in a way that gift-giving isn't doing anymore.

Next year I'm going to try something new.  I'm only going to give experiences, or give you something that cost me more time and energy than money.  So maybe we will go to the ballet together, or the movies, or the roller derby.  Maybe I will make you some cookies, or a beaded necklace, or a photo calendar.  Just remember, it's not me being grinchy.  It's me filling my hole. 

And maybe, just maybe, if I give you something of more value to me, I will fill your hole too.

This is Why..

This is why I LOVE being a teacher.   Friday morning just before Winter break...it's foggy and drizzling against our windowpanes, but we are happy and warm inside.  My kids are laying on the floor in their PJs and slippers, watching the Polar Express and drinking peppermint cocoa with whipped cream.

It doesn't get any better than this.  I have the best job in the world!

Happy 4th Birthday, Jaden!

I can't believe she's already four years old.  I feel like every time I blink she gets a little bit older, taller, smarter, prettier.   I love this girl SO much!

On the day she turned four, Jaden loved...

singing in the car at the top of her lungs

dressing head-to-toe in fluffy princess things

having deep conversations about the "whys" of life

narrating our highway rides home

snuggling in our bed in the mornings

bossing around and tattling on her littlest sister

loving and hugging her family

eating fruit with every meal

lying her pants off about the smallest things

taking flying leaps off the sofa arms

sassing her mommy

telling anyone who will listen how much she loves them

I'm so grateful to have had another year of my Jaden!

It's a Great Day to Be a Princess

Kharli, Jaden and I had a girls afternoon out today and went to see Tangled. 

Jaden loved it!   She spent the last 15 minutes praying for them to get married.   I thought it was really cute, and yes...I cried.  Shut up.

Happy Thanksgiving

One thing that I really love about Thanksgiving Day is hearing people tell who and what they are thankful for.  That's my favorite part of this day.

I've already done that in this blog; here and here.  My life and my happiness are pretty much the same as they were then.  Plus, as far as sentiment goes, I doubt there's any way I can top my husband this year.

So blog friends, I'll just leave you with this thought.  Remember that happiness isn't about having everything you want.  It's about wanting what you already have.  Keep reminding yourselves and your loved ones about how special they are even after the turkey is gone, because true gratitude is an everyday feeling.

I'm not rushing out to buy cheaper electronics tomorrow, or standing in line for anything.   I'm going to snuggle with my little ones, have coffee and chat with my big ones, and smile knowingly across the room at my husband.

My life is good, just the way it is, and I feel blessed every day.  I hope you do too :)

Cannonball

Would it hurt, do you think, to step away from that straight and narrow line?  That path you've chalked from here to there, that direction really going nowhere?  Don't you ever want to curve away, from the predictable design?

It's a leap of faith, true.  But we have faith in so much we can't see.  We can't know what will or will not be.  And at the end of your self-prescribed path, what is left but to come back the same way?

Aren't you curious at all, to swan dive off the edge?  To close your eyes and take a chance, to land somewhere unplanned?

It doesn't matter that your line is rainbow hued and bright.  I can see the ruler's edge underneath, it's unforgiving linear groove.  I can see the places worn so thin that to step there would be a trap, with iron jaws and teeth that bite.

I'll help you if you allow.  I'm already there, but I'll come back.  Take my hand and close your eyes.

Cannonball off the side.

Their Heaven

A lonely woman.  Smiles as she lays in her bed dying.  A life alone, a love denied, and she tells herself gratefully that it was all worth it.  So she peacefully goes without burdening a soul, least of all her own.  She takes her last breath and the lights go down on her empty room. 

A family man.  Smiles as he lays in his bed dying.  A lifetime of love and memories follow him to his sleep, and he tells himself gratefully that it was all worth it.  His chest rises and falls once more, as the lights go down on the tear-streaked faces of his children. 

A lonely woman.  Opens her new eyes to a heaven of her own creation. Tears of regret fall like rain as she lifts her face to gaze into the nothing, alone forever, but for a single outstretched hand.

A family man.  Opens his new eyes to a heaven of his own creation.  His practiced smile shines through the clearing rain and his heart swells to appreciate the beauty all around.  Through the mist he notices a sad, lost woman who reminds him of one he once knew.  Kindly, he offers a hand.

A timid smile, a silent assent, two hands clasp again.  Yet who was saved and who was lost, in the heaven of their own creation?

30...Picture a Lost Friend

I lost a good friend four years ago tomorrow.   This is my dog Sasha.  I miss her every day, but I imagine that in Dog Heaven she is happy and well :)

She was the best dog in the history of dogs.  I hope she knew that.

29...Picture My Babies

This picture always makes me smile.  Jaden jealously decided she wanted to squeeze in for some Mommy lap, but once there she couldn't stop smiling at her new baby sister.  I love my sweet little girls!

28...Picture a Fear

What am I afraid of? 

Highway car accidents.  This fear doesn't hinder my driving, although Jacque calls me a "timid driver" so she might disagree.  But at least I'm not afraid of heights or spiders.  Somebody's gotta be the one to climb ladders and brush cobwebs off the ceilings.  I'll gladly take THAT job and let other people be Masters of the Road!

Do You Ever Feel...

a little hollow inside?  That you are temporarily used up?  That you need some rejuvenation of the non-caffeinated variety? 

Do you ever feel that you have to put on an artificial smile, lest they are all on to you?  Do you wear that smile so brightly that even you forget you put it there on purpose?

Do you ever feel that you are just being a counterfeit version of your best self?

I do, sometimes.

27...Picture a Son

My son Christian and I, who hates having his photo taken so much that I always have to resort to uploading special occasion pictures of him.  He drives me crazy sometimes but I love him :)

22...Picture a Loser

This is my favorite book...

Loser by Jerry Spinelli.  It's a children's book, of course.  But hey, I stopped apologizing for loving children's lit long ago. Loser is one of those books I sometimes read that stirs the writing beast in me.  Reading it makes me desperately love writing, and yet loathe it at the same time.  I wish I wrote this book.  But...somebody else did, and that sucks.

It's about an odd little boy who doesn't realize he's different, although everyone else does.  He's an outcast who doesn't know...yet.  His time is coming, though.

I love stories about underdogs.   They make the best characters.

22...Picture Serenity

I wish I were better at staying calm.  I have fire in my blood, I can't deny it.  I have to work really, really hard to bank my temper and quiet my mind.  I am not always successful. 

26...Picture a Blessing

Something that meant a lot to me was bringing home a healthy baby 4 years ago. 

Jaden, my little emergency baby born early by cesarean.   We didn't know it then, but Jaden and I were both fortunate to have come home that day.  

25...Picture My Day

It's Saturday morning.  Craig took Jaden to Little Gym, and I'm home with Caitlyn, keeping her busy as I finish my lesson planning for next week.  I have to crank this out quickly so I can go to my niece's 16th birthday barbeque this afternoon.   School is important, but family is more so.  This is my weekly Saturday juggling act :)

24...Picture School Lunch

Something I wish I could change is what our nation feeds kids for school lunch, and I love what Jamie Oliver is trying to do with reforming school lunch.   We have become a nation of pre-diabetics.  Our kids eat crap most of the time, and we've become so used to it, we don't even realize it anymore. 

What's worse is we are allowing the government to feed crap to our kids and we're not even paying attention.   Most parents have no idea what this food is; where it comes from, how it's prepared, what the nutritional balance is.  Some parents believe that their kids aren't eating the garbage simply because they don't participate in the "free lunch" program, although in reality all kids eat the same thing, free or not.

We need to educate ourselves about this issue, and then make a stand and demand better for ALL of our children.   Join the revolution!

21..Picture My Head in the Sand

This is supposed to be about something I wish I could forget.  Okay, here it is...

Something I wish I could forget about is No Child Left Behind.  The idea is noble, but sometimes the implementation of it really sucks.  And honestly, I will never understand how the government can just take away our budget, and parents can do whatever they want or don't want, and still I am held accountable for the fallout? I could get all eloquent and passionate here, but what for?  Nobody wants to read that, and since I'm trying to "forget about it" that's all I'm going to type. :)

20...Picture a Getaway

I would really love to travel to Ireland.  I have always dreamed of going there since I was a young girl.  It requires a loooonnnng plane ride, though, so I don't think I'll get Craig to go.  But maybe I'll go with a sister, friend or daughter someday.  Someday.

19...Picture a Love Letter

This is a love letter written by Kharli when she was 3. 

I think it reads,

            "Dear Mommy,

             You are the greatest Mommy in the whole wide world and I
             love you sooooo much! 

             Love,
             Kharli"

18...Picture Insecurity

My greatest insecurity is not the size of my tush or the size of my bank account.  Nor is it the age of my car, my furniture, or myself.  My insecurity is hard to put a picture on and say, look...there it is!

I am not very insecure.  I guess I have reasons to BE insecure...things which might make other people insecure.  But really, my only insecurity is the thought of blowing my chance of being the best person I can be.  So I always have to keep reminding myself to grow, improve, adapt, and be a better ME.  But I worry I might not be able to accomplish that in the next 40 years.

17...Picture the Bigger Picture

Something which has made a huge impact on my life lately is Arizona's education budget cuts.  Not just in my teaching life.  My position is pretty secure.  I don't care about ME.  I care about my children, and the millions of children whose educations are affected. 

I'm not even listing reasons why anymore because I've found that nobody really wants to hear about it.  Nobody wants to know about it.  Most people just don't want to know how things really are.

It's easier for them to pretend rather than to admit participation in what we're doing to ourselves here.  People are happier to continue driving their SUVs and buying their silly junk and overpriced clothing before they will spend it on the education of children here.

A lot of people are really stupid about where the money comes from and where it goes, and why it's crucial to not cut it.  I give up on trying to talk about it.

But I swear, the day is coming when this will all come back and bite us in the ass.  When our state is flooded with undereducated 20-something year olds...where will we all be then?

16...Picture Inspiration

It's hard to narrow down inspiration to just one person.  From Laura Ingalls-Wilder to Eleanor Roosevelt to Oprah, there are so many people I admire and by whom I am inspired.  However, I guess I'd say that I am inspired by Alice Paul the most.

I'm not an activist, nor am I especially outspoken.  And while I can be passionate in my own way about things I believe in, nothing I ever do in this lifetime will compare to what Alice helped do for me, and my daughters, and my daughters' daughters.  That kind of legacy is amazing to me.  It's her great desire to affect change no matter the cost which I find so inspirational.  I am in awe of people like Alice Paul.

15...Picture a Dream

Something I want to do before I die, WAY before so I can enjoy it a little, is to write a book.  It doesn't even qualify as a bucket list item because it's a bigger dream than that.  Here's to big dreams, and making them come true...

14...Picture a Sister

I cannot imagine my life without a handful of sisters to love.  Here they are in my second favorite photo of all time.  I think one of them stole my MOST favorite.  Too bad, because whoever she is may have preferred it to this one.   Paybacks are a bitch, biotches!  :)

 This is how I always think of them...as goofy teenagers.  Don't you love it?  And Jac, I photoshopped that I-was-at-a-party-last-night stamp off your hand.  You're welcome.

13...Picture Coldplay

My favorite band.  Not in a swoony, gushy, giggly way.  I just really, really love their music.  It makes me happy everytime I play it.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween has always been one my my favorite holidays.  I just love costumes!  In high school, before I decided to become a teacher, I daydreamed about studying theatrical fashion design.  I pictured myself heading off to Broadway with a needle, a glue gun, and my imagination.

Well, that didn't happen.  So I lived the dream vicariously through the big kids' Halloween costumes.  Every year I made their costumes, from designing, to sewing, to embellishing.  Those are some of my best memories.  It's tougher now with the little kids, being a working mom.  But while I don't have that kind of time or energy right now, I hope to get back to it soon.

To Trick-or-Treat or not?  That was the question.  You know how I am about candy.  How do I take my little ones from door to door and then not let them have their spoils?  So we decided not yet, but next year for sure.  They had so many fun things to do, though, they didn't even miss it.

At the pumpkin patch, looking for that perfect pumpkin...

 This year the girls wanted to be Disney princesses.  Here we are posing before heading off to the Little Gym's Halloween Party.

Here's our little Tinkerbell...

And our Ariel...

They had a great time at the party, although Caitlyn had to do the routine sitting out and being shy for 20 minutes.   Once she got into the swing of things, she was all over the place.  We might have to sign her up for Little Gym soon!

On Halloween Day we made cookies...

Then we carved our massive pumpkin.  Well, I carved and the girls gave me pointers.

  

  

 

Happy Halloween!