'Tis the Season

We had another wonderful Thanksgiving/ Hanukkah/ Christmas season this year!  I'm trying to get better about picture taking, and I did manage to get a few shots amidst the month-long eating and gift unwrapping frenzy.

Cory and Jennifer flew in for Thanksgiving, and it was so nice to see them.  I get happy when Craig gets to spend time with his family.  Of course, Caitlyn did her snubbing thing and refused to sit with everyone.

So Aunt Jennifer and Jaden were reunited and now, thanks to Aunt Jen,  Jaden really does believe she is a princess.  That's okay, Jay...all girls are princesses!

This is my favorite shot of Catie.  This is the "talk to the hand" look she gives you right before turning her face away.  I would like her to be more friendly with her family, but she is who she is and we love her!

Our family.

The girls enjoyed helping to decorate our tree this year.  They actually behaved themselves around it and only pulled off ornaments sporadically.  I think we can actually set it up on the floor next time!

 

Jaden was very interested in the menorah during Hanukkah.  On the eighth night, she helped light the candles.  Then she tried to sing "Happy Birthday, Hanukkah" and blow them out!

Our blended traditions.

 

These were MY gift this year.  We actually bought ourselves a Wii, and that was supposed to be our gift to each other, but Craig is too loving for that, I guess.  Kind of blew the "80's Scene It" that I gave him out of the water!

On Christmas Eve the girls wore their new festive PJs, hung stockings, and watched The Grinch...who I confess bored Caitlyn and scared Jaden.  Guess we need a new movie next year?

 

Then on Christmas morning, the girls stumbled out of their room ready for some Cheerios and found their new dollhouse all set up!  I couldn't drag them away for breakfast for a long time. After eating, they played with their dollhouse for hours.  Literally, for hours.

Jaden and Caitlyn received a LOT of gifts, and really do love them all.  Yet, 5 days after the mania had come and gone, what are they playing with?  The storage BOXES of course!

Happy Holidays!  May every season be filled with as much love and joy as this one was.

Someone's Catie

Teaching is not always just about teaching. I am continually amazed at how the lines are often blurred. Today I was checking my students' reading folders, and I came across something that pretty much smacked me in the face and took me down.

I have a student who I think of as my "motherless child" student. I usually have one or two students every year who are being raised by aunts or grandparents. Sadly, it's not that uncommon.

This little girl has been raised by her grandparents for a few years now. Mom is kind of in the picture (sometimes) but I think she's been gone for awhile. Grandma is doing a great job. I really have to hand it to her. This child is well taken care of.

Still...what must it be like to not have a mom around? This is my biggest fear; to have something happen to me and leave my girls without a mother. I can't even imagine what it would be like for them to grow up that way.

I have a little sticky note posted at work that reads, "Every child here is someone's Catie." I read this every day. It reminds me to be kind, be gentle, stay patient. Even when they're driving me bugshit, to above all remember that every student in my class is some other mother's little child. I tell myself this, and try to always treat them the way I would want my children to be treated.

This little girl in particular tries my patience a lot. She's a nice kid...I really like her a great deal, actually. But she's very labor-intensive. I have to be on her all the time. She seeks attention and approval continually throughout much of the day and she's off task a lot. Let me tell you; I read that sticky note several times a day.

Something about her, something...I'm not sure what...reminds me of how I imagine Caitlyn's future personality might be. How she could grow up to be. I try not to let my thoughts carry me along like this, but sometimes I can't help it. Sometimes I imagine... what if that was MY little Catie; motherless and acting out in some future teacher's classroom, driving her bugshit?

So you see, the lines get blurred and even if it's not prudent to get emotional about other people's kids it happens, as it did today.

It was a small thing, really. Nothing that might upset somebody whose greatest fear wasn't leaving their children motherless. I opened up this student's reading folder to see if it was signed, and saw it was covered in rounded, childish script, "I love you, Mommy." Over and over.

It was a few moments before I realized that I was standing before my entire class with tears rolling down my face. A few of the observant ones noticed and looked a little stricken to see my face that way. I got a hold of myself somehow and played it off, telling them my contacts were bothering my eyes.

Contacts are treacherous things, the way they clarify your vision. I'd like to take them out sometimes and be free, and walk around like most everyone else not knowing all I know. But I won't. All the other mothers' Caties still need me.

Another Year of Jaden

On the day you turned three...

You were a lover of girly dresses and play jewelry, kitty cats, Playdoh, Elmo and Abby, and reading.

Your favorite books were The Napping House, The Lady With the Alligator Purse, all of Eric Carle's bear books, and The Green Sheep. You could "read" these books from memory (with voices), and were learning to track your finger along the print, although you didn't know what that meant. You liked to share the reading with Daddy, who made you laugh with his embellishments of The Green Sheep and Pajama Time.

You sang along to Mama Mia and Hairspray, complete with makeshift microphones and a little bootie action. We couldn't reign you in. You loved to sing and dance, preferably dressed in your finest princess or fairy clothes, and bedecked in jewels.

You looked forward to having your hair brushed, and while I liked to style it with curls falling down your back, you more often than not insisted on two pigtails...all the better to admire yourself in the mirror.

You were a nice big sister. You were really learning to be patient with your Honey. At school you liked to sit beside your little sis, looking out for her and telling every passerby that she's your "Honey." When sitting at the table, you'd watch over her, telling her "Eat, Honey!"

When you were grouchy and having a bad day, you couldn't stand being cooped in your carseat. You liked to try Daddy's patience by kicking his seat from behind and shrieking incredibly high pitched screams.

You loved bubble baths as much as your mommy, and you would play tea party endlessly in the water, serving up tiny cupfuls of imagination.

You were friendly and sweet to everyone. You were thrilled to see your family walk through the door. You were never mean to kids, although you'd cry like the world was coming to an end if Catie or anyone swiped your toys. You spent a lot of time with Kharli. You were always so happy to see her, and you called her your best friend.

You were so incredibly smart...you just blew us away with the things you knew and how quickly you learned. You could count to 20(with correspondence!), knew your letters, and could recite about 20 songs, fingerplays, and nursery rhymes.

Most nights you went to bed so easily. You liked to have a tissue in your hand and water nearby, but were fickle when it came to which animals or blankets could share your bed. All we had to do was read a few stories, tuck you in and say good-night. As we closed to door, you'd call out softly, "I love you... I see you later... night-night... I see you in the morning... good-bye..."

My Jaden, every day I know you, I love you even more. I never forget how lucky I am to be your mommy.
Happy Birthday, my precious girl!

Happiness is a Converse Tee

This week I had to go out to buy a pretty dress to wear to a wedding. Dress, shoes, wrap, jewelry...the works. I was pretty excited to attend the wedding, and I wanted to look beautiful, of course. But the SHOPPING...ugh.

I realize that, according to the laws of Womanhood, I'm supposed to love shopping, manicures, and a really great pair of shoes. I know it's supposed to be a dream to drift through the stores browsing, trying things on, whipping out credit cards and filling my heart and closet with couture.

Contrary to how most women feel though, this is NOT exactly my idea of a good time. When I go shopping, my philosophy is to get in, get what I need, and get the hell out...hopefully within 10 minutes. Shopping is just not my thing, I guess.

I went to several boutiques and department stores before finding something that was flattering, yet affordable. It was just a chore to be completed, and never once did my heart go pitter-pat.

Later on however, I went to Target to get a few other things. I was on my way to look for some socks and something caught my eye. The new Converse screen-printed tees were in! Butterflies, tree branches, peacock feathers. And all for $12.99 each! For the first time that day, I was truly excited.

I guess I will just never be a couture kind of girl. Pity me or envy me, but in MY world, shopping bliss is found at Target...and happiness is a Converse tee.

Thank you, Universe

Thank you for my husband...he's the best, most wonderful husband. He understands me, and pretends to let me take care of myself while he's taking care of me. He loves me for who I really am, and lets me be ME.

Thank you for my big kids. They drive me nuts sometimes, and I worry about them constantly...being out there in the big world with only my voice in their heads to guide them. I love them more than they will ever understand.

Thank you for my little girls. What an unexpected gift they are. I treasure every single day with them.

Thank you for my sisters, who by turns think I'm fabulous or just plain crazy, and are usually right! They will always be my touchstones. I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have a handful of sisters to love.

Thank you for my parents, whom I'm lucky to still have in my universe. I don't see them enough, but I love them so much.

Thank you for my new family. I never expected to marry into such a family who, without fail, treat me like another daughter/sister. They're the best!

Thank you, Universe for aligning the planets in my favor once again. I promise to do my best to deserve it.

Flash Mobs

Have you heard of the Flash mob phenomenon? No, that's not an exotic dance routine I'm working on! And it's not a Facebook Mafia Wars thing either.

Flash mobs are those performance-art gatherings of seemingly random strangers in public places. They've been dubbed "mobs" because they come out of nowhere, assault you with their awesomeness for 3 minutes or so, and then take off.

I LOVE them! I don't know if it's the theater geek in me, or maybe that part of my personality that likes to see people smile. I have always been a sucker for any kind of performance art, so this stuff is SO right up my alley!

I love the mysteriousness of it all. I love how the whole performance can be happening all around you and you don't know who's in on it and who's not. You could be watching for 2 minutes and all of a sudden the person you thought was just another observer sitting next to you jumps right in and starts singing and dancing.  I didn't actually know about this craze until last year when I saw this Weeds season 5 premiere, which features a flash mob dance scene.

Okay, so maybe having two back-to-back babies has kept me a little too busy to notice pop culture. Whatever...once I opened my eyes I saw them in the news, on TV, and posted all over the internet. Here are some videos of a few ideas I really liked. The Sound of Music one is my favorite, although a subway station full of pantless people is nothing to shake a stick at.












I think my life is missing some theater geeky adventure. So I've decided to go find a group of like-minded wackos in my city to hook up with. Want to come along? We'll meet at the previously arranged secret rendezvous spot and receive our mission to help cure boredom of the masses!

High Stupidity Warning

What is the stupidest thing you've ever done? Today I had a literal brush with death. Well, maybe not quite death. At the very least it was a brush with stupidity.

I was about to blow dry my hair, and as I went to plug in the blowdryer, I got zapped! Big time. Was this a faulty outlet? Nope. A malfunctioning hair appliance? Huh-uh.

Dumbass that I am, I went and touched my WET hair, then used my WET fingers to plug the blowdryer into the electrical socket! Um, and I didn't do it gingerly or anything. I made sure I stuck my fingers IN the holes of outlet as I inserted the prongs...you know, to make sure I got it on the first try.

Have you ever electrocuted yourself before? When I was a kid I touched my grandmother's electrified cattle fence all the time. And on special occasions my boy cousins were known to convince me to hold a 9-volt battery to my tongue.

But I have never been shocked by an outlet until today. I actually heard it go zzzzzzzZZZZZZZZTTTTTT!!!! And I felt the current run up through my arm. I saw my life flash before my eyes. Well, truthfully, I only saw my death flash before my eyes.

As I stood there with my mouth open, staring at my hand in horror, I imagined the paramedics retrieving me off of the floor of my bathroom. I pictured them coming in with that stretcher thing, and had a second to be grateful I was wearing my robe. Because otherwise that would not have been a pretty picture, let me tell you!

Then, just as I was thinking about how nice it would be if someone were to create a slideshow of my life set to Coldplay and Beatles music for my funeral, my heart started to beat again. And of course, I started crying and went running out to Craig so he could hug me and tell me I was okay.

So, today's life lesson is simple. Don't touch outlets with wet hands. But if you have a dumbass moment and forget, it's not going to kill you, or really hurt you, or even drop you onto the floor. You will live to tell the tale. Probably. So....you will just have to find some other way to get cute paramedics into your home to see you naked.

Also, I really want a slideshow at my funeral someday.

Sunny Days

Sesame Street is celebrating its 40th birthday this week. 40 YEARS...wow! Sesame Street is the longest running and, in my opinion, the best children's show ever conceived.

I remember feeling stunned 10 years ago upon hearing of the sudden death of Jim Henson. Over the course of his career he touched so many lives, and his dedication to children was inspiring. I would consider my own life a success if I were to have even a fraction of the impact on the world that Jim Henson and Sesame Street have had on inner city (and all) children. Here's a video from his memorial service. The singing puppeteers get to me every time. No Ernie or Kermit, though. Some empty shoes just can't ever be filled.




I still love Sesame Street after all these years. Love with a capital L! My earliest memories are of watching Sesame Street. When I was a kid, we played outside, read books, invented games, and didn't really watch a lot of TV...and my dad was a cable guy. There was always time for Sesame, though. When I was old enough to babysit, my little charges always ended up watching Big Bird and Oscar the Grouch.

I think this is probably the reason my girls adore Elmo and his friends. They don't get a lot of TV either, so what were the chances that they'd both fall hard for a furry 6-year-old muppet without a little push from mom? I think kids end up loving what their parents love. And let me tell you, when Jaden and I went to see Sesame Street live this year, I needed no prodding to dance in the aisles!

A few weeks ago, I was looking up some Elmo videos for the girls and I happened upon the "vintage" Sesame clips on YouTube. I'd forgotten all about some of these...and yet, once I began watching, I remembered everything!

Here are my all-time, top 5 favorite clips from my childhood. I hope they bring a smile to your face. I hope you watch them and feel the shag carpeting underneath your toes and taste the Kool-Aid on your lips. I hope they bring tears of nostalgia to your eyes. They did me.

My FAVORITE!!

I love this! It always made me smile :)

It's hard to choose between this and Put Down the Duckie.

Scallywags and Whippersnappers!

Because I believe in how big little things can be.

Jim Henson might be gone now, but the characters of Sesame Street live on, and will continue entertain and educate my children, and their children, and their children, for years to come.

Thank you Sesame, for always being there for me. Thanks for making my life richer. Thanks for teaching me about tolerance, and fairness, and friendship.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Halloween

Halloween at the Schwab house was fairly relaxed again this year. We decided to wait one more year to take the girls out Trick-or-Treating. I LOVE Halloween, so I'm really looking forward to when they're old enough to take out in the evening to Trick-or-Treat. They didn't miss it, though. They dressed up and had a lot of fun!

On Friday, the girls wore their costumes to school and had "Harvest Parties" in their classrooms. Their teachers gave them little goodies, and Jaden even won a Jack-o-Lantern to take home.

Rhonda had a little get-together at her house, and Jaden and Caitlyn both had a good time. The house was decorated all spookily, and Rhonda had plenty of games and treats for the little ones.

This year was so much fun to dress them up. For the last few months they've been really getting into pretend play, and they like to put on all manner of "princess" clothes and dance around their bedroom. So I knew the fairy costumes would be a hit.

Caitlyn as a Butterfly Fairy. She really got a kick out of those ribbon hair clips.


Jaden as Abby Cadabby. She loved everything about this costume, and spent most of the weekend in it!


Such sweet girls. They kept admiring each other.


Lots of sister hug-action :)


Kharli and Jaden; sisters and life-long friends.


Jaden's Magical Pumpkin.

Welcome Fall!

Well, Fall in the southwest, anyway :)

Today we took the girls to visit Schnepf Farms for their Fall Festival. There was SO much for families to do, and we actually did some of it before Caitlyn was inevitably "done". Here are some pics from our day...

The girls had fun playing in the playground train. I did have to shoo some school-group kids out of their way!




Can you believe all that sun in October? It was warm!


We took a train around the farm. Jaden liked when we went through the peach orchard.


As usual...all these fun things to do and what excites them the most? Food! The grilled corn-on-the-cob was so yummy!




Here's Caitlyn and her Daddy looking for a Great Pumpkin.


This is what she decided on...















Jaden's was more her size.


Mommy photo op...we convinced her to look through the sign by playing Peek-a-Boo!


Until next year.....


Happy Fall!

Car-Mocks

I am plagued with self-doubt. And a tiny smidgen of guilt.

It all started a few days ago when Jaden and I were going through the bank drive-thru. Whenever we go through drive-thru lines, Jaden likes to wave at the people and squeal, "Thank you! Have a nice day!"

So when I'd finished my transaction and the teller thanked me over the speakerphone, I turned around expectantly toward Jaden. Well, she didn't thank the teller. What she shouted was, "I want a car-mock!"

"A what?" I asked her. "A car mock?"

"Yes," she insisted, raising her eyebrows and nodding at me. "I want a car-mock, please."

Oh, no. It can't be that, I thought. Hesitantly I asked her, "Jaden...are you asking for a caramel macchiato?"

"Yay! A car-mock!" she responded.

Aw, crap. Okay. Now I must confess, my name is Dawn and I am addicted to...car-mocks.

Just a disclaimer here, but Jaden has never, ever tasted coffee, much less the caffeine, vanilla and caramel wowness that is the caramel macchiato! For all she knows, I could be having some fancy-shmancy overpriced water. Whatever...she wants one.

This alone would not be enough to guilt-trip me as a mommy. Buuuuut....we have to add this incident to the fact that the girls have begun to play "coffee" games with their play tea set. PLUS Jaden says "Mommy's coffee?" every time we go through ANY kind of drive-thru. AND whenever Caitlyn sees my favorite mug she yells "KAH-feeee!"

Yes, I guess I drink a lot of coffee. I'm not completely sure this is a bad thing, though. Hell, it's not like I'm slugging back 2 cups (more like 5) of absinthe a day! And you know...I eat LOTS of vegetables and whole grains, I drink V8 every day, and I really limit the take-out crap I eat. Everyone has a vice, right? Can't this be mine?

Sooo...if it's not that bad, then why do I cringe when my 1-year-old happily shouts "Kah-feee!" and my 2-year-old can recognize the Starbucks logo?

Maybe I have felt that I've needed to make a change here for awhile, and it's just taken being called out by my toddlers to shame me into it?

Whatever the reason, I'm going to attempt cutting back the caffeine. I did it for my girls while pregnant. We'll see if I can do it for myself. So if I am a total bitch to you in the next 5-7 days, please forgive me. Ha ha ha, I couldn't even write that with a straight face...of course I'm not going to be a bitch :) But if I'm crabby, please cut me some slack!

Did you know I've been sitting here sipping a cup of sugared espresso the whole time I've been writing this? Heaven help me!

Random Hits

ALSO edited for this very reason.

You want to know something really sad? Well, I think it's sad anyway.

My little blog here has seen more readers than usual in the past couple of months. Why, do you ask? I'll tell you...It's not because I am more awesome this month than I was 6 months ago.

However, a while back I wrote a blog that I titled "Evryon Els Is Smrtr Thn Me." That particular blog has gotten quite a few hits from random people who happened upon it when they were searching Google or Yahoo or something.

Here's the sad part. Don't cry.

These are the phrases people typed into their search engines right before they accidentally happened upon my blog...

"my boyfriend is smrtr thn me"
"what if she's smrtr thn me?"
"evryne else is smrtr thn me"
"why is everyone smrter thn me?"
"evryne at work is smrtr thn me"
"why does evryne else seem to be smrtr?"
"I think evryne's smrtr thn me"

There were more, but you get the point.

That just breaks my heart. I wish I could find all those people, whoever they are, and hug them or tutor them or...something. They need something.

It makes me wonder how many people, at this very moment, are unhappy...feeling alone and searching for answers. I wish I had some to give them.

I'll Be Your Mirror

"When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you.

I'll be your mirror........"
The Velvet Underground

I wanted to share a video from this blog I've been following for awhile...The P.S. 22 Chorus.

I would love to meet this teacher, Mr. B. He's the music/chorus teacher of a New York urban school. He takes kids who have nothing, and fills them with light. Look at their faces when they sing. Just LOOK at them.



In a time and place when our nation is divided into the "haves" and the "have nots", and people are reluctant to reach across that socio-economic barrier to share a sliver of their pie, and people respond to the troubles of their fellow humans with a shoulder shrug...there are still those like Mr. B. working to make a difference.

Mr. B. understands that kids will mirror their world, and he wants them to reflect joy and hope and self-confidence. He wants them to feel they have value, even if their pockets are empty. He gives them a reason to smile, a reason to lift their faces with pride, a reason to...be.

Mr. B. inspires me. "I'll be your mirror, reflect what you are..." It's so true. We get back what we put in.

Someday

Someday I will...

help a daughter adjust her wedding veil

tell my grandchild she looks just like her father

learn how to cook Jewish dishes

give up coffee

go down a jean size

buy a car that does not run on gasoline

learn that one of my students has become a teacher

live in a place that snows

be able to afford a cleaning service

kiss someone goodbye forever

jump out of an airplane

soothe a broken heart

own a beagle

have to be strong for someone

laugh until I pee

go on a cruise to Hawaii

have a much too empty nest

Someday I will look back with peace and happiness on a life well-lived.

Happy Birthday Dear Blog

You have been a wonderful addition to my life! Thanks for letting me be ME, and for always being here when I needed you :)

Rules of the Game

In my house, we watch football. Some of us (um, me) don't actually watch football. What we do is suffer through the background noise of it all the time. All. Weekend. Long. During football season (one-fourth of the year!) all the other things I could be listening to...music, raindrops, the dryer...are all obliterated by that droning noise coming from the TV.

I don't blame my husband for driving me slowly insane. It's not his fault. He was indoctrinated by his father, and his father before him, and his father before him. This is the male way....I get it. Besides, I really do love the guy. And even though our rabbi never mentioned televised sports during our wedding ceremony, I'm sure there was some implied acquiescence about it thrown in somewhere. Probably in the Hebrew I didn't understand.

For my husband's sake, I wish I could be one of those "football fan" women. You know, the ones who sit by their hubby's sides and scream along with them. Sadly for him, no. He ended up with a woman who only likes hockey and baseball. I suppose I have other redeeming qualities that make me lovable to a man who reads football statistics for pleasure.

There IS a glimmer of hope for him in his house of women-folk, though. Catie rather enjoys throwing balls around, and Jaden not only knows what football is, but has become quite curious about it.

Since her father hadn't done so yet, I took it upon myself today to explain the rules of the game to my tw0-year-old daughter...

"Okay, Jaden. See all these guys here? They all have yellow pants. That means they're friends and they play together. Those guys? They have blue pants. They're friends together too, but not with the yellow guys.

The blue guys and the yellow guys don't want to be NICE friends, they just want to jump all over each other and take the ball away. See the brown ball there? It's called a football, but mostly they hold it with their hands. Everybody wants to get the ball, and knock it onto the ground. That's why they jump all over each other.

They wear a hard hat so they don't get too hurt. You can ONLY jump on your friends if they're wearing a hat to protect themselves! Sometimes that man in the zebra clothes has to come in and give them a time-out because they didn't follow the jump around rules."

It would seem that there ARE a few life lessons to be learned from football. Such as, stick with your friends and you'll be okay. And, taking toys away from somebody might get you put in a time-out.

I'll save the intricacies of scoring for another day. In the meantime, I will try to make it through this season without accidentally-on-purpose knocking our TV off the shelf. After all, if I did that, however would I torture my husband with home design shows and Hallmark tear-jerkers?

Just Some Woman I Know

I have this friend. She's a really good friend of mine, actually. We like a lot of the same things. We've grown both apart and together over the years, but even when we're not in synch...I know that she's always there for me.

Whenever I feel low or discouraged, I can always count on her to say the right thing. She tells me the things nobody else does. She encourages me to be a better person. She doesn't sugar coat it, either. When I need some real advice or straight talk...she delivers.

I really dig who she is, and over the years, I've come to love her for this amazing woman she's grown into. She's not afraid to try new things. She can do just about anything she puts her mind to. She's smart, and caring, and brave, and honest.

She talks to just about anyone. It's the most bizarre thing. She'll strike up a conversation with random strangers about anything at all. She likes to call those 800 manager lines on her drive-thru receipts and tell them what a wonderful job their teenaged employees are doing. I asked why she's always chatting up people she doesn't know, and she couldn't say why. Personally, I think she just likes the human race.

She is pretty well-liked herself, I think. She's one of those people who really goes out of her way to be kind, generous, and helpful. A long time ago she decided that Robert Fulghum had the right idea, and she began performing random acts of kindness. I admit, even I laughed about that. Didn't stop her though.

For all that, she really is an introverted kind of a person. You might not realize this about her unless you know her very well, because she tends to hide things. She grew up slightly different from most people you might know. Not the roughest of childhoods, but hers certainly did leave it's imprint. She told me once that, regardless of how she may seem, inside she will always be that scared, shy, poor little new girl at school. She doesn't have a lot of friends that are intimately close. Well, besides me.

We don't see each other as much anymore. Every once in awhile she'll pop in for a visit, or we'll go to a concert, or something. But with work stress and life in general, it's getting more and more rare.

I know she misses me too. This morning I was thinking about her as I brushed my teeth, so I leaned in toward the mirror, peered into my hazel eyes, squinted them slightly, and yeah...she's still there. She smiled right at me and asked me to go do lunch.

You know what? I think that's a great idea.

Happy Birthday, Christian!

Happy 19th birthday to my one and only son :) May this year bring you self-satisfaction, peace of mind, and daily happiness. You deserve it. I love you!!!

"Everyone Else Is Smarter Than Me"

I love sticky notes...I put them everywhere. I like to write little phrases and quotes and random facts down and place them around my workspaces.
This week one of my stickies caught the eye of a friend and she read it aloud;

"Everyone else is smarter than me."

What was that all about? she asked. Why would I want to read a note like that every day? Don't I know that "negative self-talk can become a self-fulfilling prophecy?"

Well, yes I do.

Here's the thing. I have a very low-ability class this year. And in this class, one student in particular has, to put it bluntly, been driving me bugshit. She's sullen. She refuses to work. She finds ways to be quietly defiant every hour. Just when I think I've got those kiddos right where I want them, I glance over at her and realize she doesn't give a crap what I say or do.

It's extremely difficult to deal with kids like that. More than the average layperson would understand. And I admit, my reaction to her attitude would not have won any Teacher of the Year awards, that's for sure. I mostly felt pissed off that I had to put up with her, and was planning to call her parents in for a little chat about her attitude and behavior.

Then a few weeks into the year I was administering a big test, and I went to check on her, thinking I'd probably find her off task or staring into space, as usual. I briskly told her, "Come on now, back to work!" and was about to pass her by when I happened to notice tears rolling down her cheeks as she hid behind her testing folder.

Figuring she was probably angling for a bathroom or nurse pass to get out of having to test, I went and put my arm around her, and bent down to ask her what was wrong? She just looked at me for the longest time, as if she were trying to figure me out. Finally, she whispered quietly, "I can't read it. Everyone else is smarter than me. I'm too stupid to do it."

Wow. Just...wow. What was I supposed to say to that? For the record, I don't believe it's true. Half of my class reads at her level. But she believes it. She BELIEVES it.

I began to wonder...What has happened to this little 8-year-old girl day after day after day to convince her that, not only is she stupid, but she is the stupidest person in her world? In just 3 years, we as an educational community have broken this child. And how can I, a teacher who has only known her for a month, even hope to change this?

What I DO know is that attitude is contagious, and self-fulfilling prophecies are no joke. We will achieve only what we believe we can. Kids cannot see themselves clearly. They see themselves not as who they really ARE, but who they believe others think they are. They need parents and teachers who are willing to believe in them, so they can begin to believe in themselves.

As a teacher, that's my mission. To find any sincere opportunity to praise this student. To make sure she experiences success. To fight back against the attitude, and return sullen frowns with encouraging smiles. To remember that, for all her eye-rolling and heavy sighing, inside she is really just a little girl who has never had a reason to believe she can be anything but stupid.

So that's why I wrote that rather cryptic sticky note and placed it where I would see it often. It's a reminder to me that every person I meet has their own secret thoughts and beliefs about themselves. That there could be more to a person's eye roll or heavy sigh than just a "bad attitude". That we all struggle every day to swim against currents of our own negative thoughts, and you just never know when someone will need a hand to clasp.

You just never know if that hand might be yours.

Sleeping Girls

I went to check on the girls and found them like this. Even in sleep, Catie mimics her sister.



























My heart is so full.

We All Have the Laps

"Children are made readers on the laps of their parents."
Emilie Buchwald

This quote gives me chills whenever I read it. If I could tell every new parent just one thing that I've learned, one thing that I know to be true...this would be it.

Read. Just read...everything, everyday. Build a huge library of books and make reading the most special thing you do together. Cuddle close and read, read, read. Don't save it for bedtime, don't wait for a magic age, and don't stop when your child goes off to school.

It's the secret. A secret I wish I could confide, but since I don't see parents when their children are still this young, that continues to be my wish. Sadly, by the time I'm in the picture, that window has closed. And for all that I do, and how much I dedicate myself to the teaching of reading, I will never be able to give kids what their parents might have long before me.

Can you imagine how smart, how inquisitive, and how verbal this next generation of our children would be if every parent read to their toddlers and preschoolers every single day? Just think about it for a minute. It's such a monumental challenge, and yet...wouldn't it be so easy? The books are all around us. We have the desire. We have the time. And we all have the laps.

Just think how amazing the world could be 20 years from now if we put them to better use.

Happy Birthday, Kharli!

I can't believe I've had the pleasure of knowing you for an entire 21 years! You are the best thing that ever happened to me....don't forget it. I love you!

Real Men of Genius

Bud Light Presents: Real Men of Genius
(Real Men of Genius)

Today we salute you. Mr. Grocery Store Receipt Checker Guy
(Mr. Grocery Store Receipt Checker Guy)
Needing no apparent job skills whatsoever, you're living the real American dream,
Getting paid to embarrass those who really DO work for a living.
(What's THAT in your bag?!)
Sure there's greeting people as they walk through the door...
(Welcome to our store!)
But what you really live for are those seemingly random door alarms. You know, the ones that give you license to hold nice suburban moms hostage...while their toddlers run wild.
(Everybody look at HER!)
And even though she just spent $200 in your store, you dig through all her bags as if she were a teenaged shoplifter.
(Who doesn't need a free lipstick??)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, oh Master of the Theft Device. 'Cause we all know, if it weren't for you, 40-year-old mothers would run crazy in the aisles palming free goodies.
(Mr. Grocery Store Receipt Checker Guy!)

Brought to you by Bud Light Beer. Anheuser Busch. St. Louis, Missouri. Umm...ok, not really :)

Supernova

I have always, always tried to be a kind, warm-hearted, nice-to-everyone type of person. I think that friendly smiles and kind words are too rare in today's world, but I live my life by them. And I conciously think about them every day.

So, it is all the more devastating to me when I realize that something I've said or done has been hurtful to someone else. Doesn't matter to me whether that someone is family member, friend, colleague, or even a stranger. I can't stand knowing that I've made somebody else feel bad.

This week was particularly difficult for me. At one point, I was so wrapped up in how I felt, that I didn't realize that my flippant, sarcastic remarks were affecting others. I didn't realize that I hurt feelings until it was too late. And sometimes an apology, however sincere, can't undo that.

So I have to remind myself that, although I am at the center of my universe, it's not mine alone. I'm surrounded by all manner of celestial wonders. Aristotle taught that the Universe is made of three elements...Matter, Form, and Change (how Matter becomes altered).

I don't want to affect destructive change on people in my universe. I don't want to become so wrapped up in my own viewpoint, or focus so heavily on my own feelings that I alter those around me in a bad way...changing how they feel, how they view themselves, and who they become inside.

If you think about it, the most beautiful supernova is really just an internal explosion. The brightest shooting star is only a broken piece of a meteor burning itself out. I would be brokenhearted if something I said were to dull the shine of another person. I need to watch what I say, and how I say it.

"Your beliefs become your thoughts.
Your thoughts become your words.
Your words become your actions.
Your actions become your habits.
Your habits become your values.
Your values become your destiny."
Mahatma Gandhi

Who do I want to be? I want to be....better. And I resolve to be.

I Miss You

"Where are you?
and I'm so sorry...
I cannot sleep,
I cannot dream tonight.
I need somebody and always...
This sick strange darkness
comes creeping on so haunting every time.

Don't waste your time on me,
you're already the voice inside my head.

Miss you....Miss you...."

I have really missed you these past two weeks. When the craziness dies down, I'll be back. I promise.

Happy Birthday, Craig

Happy birthday to my wonderful husband! I love and appreciate you. When you feel sad or alone, I will hold your hand. When you are happy, I will share your smile. :)

The Family Dynamic

Jaden: Hi, Mommy!
Me: Hi, my Jaden!
Jaden: No...I not you Jaden!
Me: Yes, you are "my Jaden".
Jaden: No. You Honey. Daddy's Jaden!
Me: Good to know.

I Am The Mommy

Whenever I walk into a room, or when I come home after having been out for a while, Caitlyn is SO happy to see me. Her whole face lights up and she runs to me with arms wide open crying, "Dada, Dada, DA-DAAA!!"

Cute, hmm? We've tried to get her to say Mama, but it's just not sinking in. I tell her. Craig tells her. Even Jaden tells her that I'm not Dada, I'm Mommy.

She calls Craig "Dada" too, which makes me wonder if that is just her phrase for Parental Unit. However cute that may be, I still want my own name and my own identity.

Daddies are wonderful, and special, and important. But I'm a MOMMY. I carried this child in my mother's body. I nursed her, rocked her, and sang a hundred 3 AM lullabies.

Somebody...anybody... please tell Catie that I am the Mommy.

Bees, If You Please

By popular request, I'm posting our video of the bee swarm that trapped us inside Starbucks last weekend. No Venice Beach firemen or Caramel Macchiatos were harmed during the making of this film. The bees, though...oh, those poor little guys were toast.



This unusual event was the highlight of the morning for scores of coffee-drinking people watchers. It wasn't just that none of us had ever seen so MANY bees in one place. The real joy was that we had a front row view of every single unsuspecting pedestrian who happened upon them. The LOOKS on these people's faces was priceless. And I'm not at all ashamed to report that I was greatly entertained at their expenses. It was truly a candid camera event.

My heart was saddened at the bees' tragic end, however. Nobody should have to go out that way. Not even a bee.

The Taupe-y Ones

I was out shopping today. It's true that I'm not your typical shop-a-holic kind of woman, but I DO venture out to buy some undies or jeans once in awhile. I'm not a complete stranger to this experience.

So I was a little surprised when I looked up from the clothing racks and noticed all the other women shopping...with their husbands. Husbands actually do this?? Walk around with their wives and help them make their fashion decisions?

I passed by a woman trying on cardigans, asking her husband what he thought. Was the color flattering? What about the cut...not too tight across the front? Could he recall what size she chose last time? (He could.)

I came across another couple searching for a blouse. I overheard their conversation;
Woman: Well, I'm looking for a slightly fitted blouse in a neutral color.
Man: Hmmm. You mean something in the earth tones?
Woman: Maybe. I need a coordinating piece to go with those slacks we bought yesterday.
Man: Oh, that's right...the taupe-y ones.

The taupe-y ones? Are you kidding me?

Not that I'm envious of these women and their lap-dog shopper husbands. Maybe they think they've got a good thing going here. But, really. What kind of self-respecting man tags along in the women's clothing area and advises his wife on which pants make her butt look nice?

MY husband wouldn't be caught dead sitting in those man chairs outside the ladies fitting rooms. He prefers to stay home with the girls while I have an hour to myself, and remain blissfully ignorant of the intricacies of choosing female clothing. I don't think he even knows what color taupe IS.

And that's the way I like it.

Dear Elmo,

I've been doing a lot of thinking these past few weeks. I've come to the realization that, while I still completely ADORE you, it's just not going to work out for us.

I'm growing bigger every day. I need more excitement, something more than just a crayon world. These things we once shared have simply become too toddler-ish for me. I think I'm ready for a preschool relationship now.

I confess that lately I've been seeing a lot of this other character, Barney. He doesn't have your furry cuteness, but he does have a whole show of his own. He sings and dances too, and when we're together, it's just magical.

I still love you. I'm just not in love with you the way I was last year. You are very important to me, though, and I don't want to lose you. You will always have a special place in my heart. Please say we can still be friends.

Love,
Jaden

PS...my mother misses you terribly and doesn't quite approve of my infatuation with Barney. If you care at all for me, please keep this secret between us.

Don't Quit

"Don't quit. Suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion." Muhammad Ali.

I read this somewhere a while back, and it kind of stuck in my head. I love the directness and do-or-die impression this statement leaves. I love how, when you think about it, it's applicable to anyone...in any situation.

It's SO easy to procrastinate. It's easy to be soft, and lazy, and impatient, or tell yourself all the reasons why you should give up.

Sometimes...when I'm exhausted and have school work to do, or when I'm busy and Jaden wants a story, or I feel like watching TV but there's dishes in the sink... sometimes I hear these words in my head, "Don't quit. Suck it up, do what you should and what's right, and don't take the easy way out."

You don't have to be an athlete to be a champion.

In Here, Honey.

Jaden has spent more time than usual in timeout today. After Jaden was sent to her room a third time, Caitlyn went down the hall, knocked on the door a little, and held Jaden's fingers that reached under the door.

I heard Jaden call from underneath the doorway, "Honey? I'm in here, Honey. In here! I'm in HERE, Honey. Honey, help me. Open the door Honey, I'm in here!"

I was torn between laughter and pity as I sprung Jaden from her prison early.

As always, when time-out is over Jaden has to go apologize to whoever she's wronged. And she did. She very contritely hugged and told Caitlyn sorry....for locking her in the bathroom and not letting her out.

Lunch Theater

Caitlyn plays so hard in the mornings that sometimes she can't make it through lunch without a little snooze or two. Or maybe it's the sports TV in the background? Sure knocks ME the hell out!

Publish Post

Mission Impossible

A few days ago, Jaden started climbing in Caitlyn's crib. In the mornings we'd wake up to the sounds of toddler laughter, which was cute for a while. Eventually, though, Caitlyn would get smooshed in some way from Jaden's acrobatics. So we decided to put an end to it.

It took several days of trial and error because we didn't know how she was getting in. I actually had to rig the video camera to catch her in the act, and discovered that she was basically scaling the side of the crib like Spiderman.

I agonized and labored over a Jaden-proof crib repellant. Finally I came up with this. Yes, Craig helped with the execution, but I want everyone to know that I was the mastermind behind this ingenious idea. Oh, and before you go copying my design, you should know that I'm calling the patent office in the morning.

+ =

Artists

Okay. So, the first thing you need to understand about coloring is that you have to keep the swirly part ON the paper, or Mommy takes it all away.



She's not even looking. Let's color our fingers!



Look, she'll be back, so get busy.



Um. That may be a problem.



Well, get a good grip on the sticks.


Like this?



Yeah. Now scribble around and around.....



That's it? This medium is way overrated.



Good job, Honey!



Yours is better. You didn't even go off the paper at all.




I’ve been around, kid. I know some stuff.


Mmmmmm.



Eating crayons is SO last year.


Don't knock it 'til you try it. Which flavor do you want, lemon or orange?


Ewwwww!!!


I can't believe I fell for that.



What do you know? This IS fun.